


With passionate sighs

by thereyloiswithme



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Sexual Situations, Embarrassment, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Art, Intercrural Sex, Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Shower Sex, Size Difference, Size Kink, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, bc fuck you jj thats why, big dick, but he is very bad at it, how to pull kylo ren back to from dark side by seducing him to the light: a guide, lots of angst tho, playing fast and loose with canon for TROS, rey may or may not be attempting to dom ben, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereyloiswithme/pseuds/thereyloiswithme
Summary: At first, it’s simple. Rey slammed the door in his face.She reacts to him the same way, every time Kylo shows up in her life, like some kind of ghost, her own personal demon.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im bad at titles and summaries and this is pwp with a lot of plot and thats all i am sorry!  
> im not sure if the other person i wrote this for aka twitter user 'theriseofswolo' has an ao3 but if they do i will add u! <3

At first, it’s simple. Rey slammed the door in his face. She reacts to him the same way, every time Kylo shows up in her life, like some kind of ghost, her own personal demon. 

Kylo knows not where she is, luckily, the connection still works the same as before. 

His voice echoes in her mind, and Rey tries to suppress a shiver, failing horribly, as the words tickle her brain. 

_ “I can’t see your surroundings… just you.” _

There’s no danger of Kylo sending the First Order after them. Rey takes little comfort in that, despite the fact being that she now knows he doesn’t even  _ want _ to hurt her. He feels… something else entirely. Rey learns that quickly. 

Three weeks into life on the run, Kylo shows up in her quarters, just as she’s leaving the fresher. 

She snarls, and summons the repaired saber. Meditating with Luke for just a few days had been enough to help point her in the right direction to fix it, with lots of helpful instruction from Leia as well. 

Kylo looks at her the same way he always does. Some kind of horrifying mix of longing and regret, with a hint of sorrow. “Rey.”

She admires him for his restraint, for not letting his gaze drop below her jawline, but regardless, the room lights up with green plasma. 

“Get out.” Rey says through gritted teeth, and levels the saber at him, giving him a very clear idea of what will happen if he doesn’t. Kylo’s lips twitch, something like a smile or maybe a laugh, but not fully formed. “I’ve been trying.”

“Why are you here right now?” She spits out, and impossibly, Kylo turns his back on her, lifting his hands and folding them behind his head, fingers laced together. 

“I can’t help it. I try not to think about you, and here I am, there you are...” He says, words soft. 

Kylo’s voice is surprisingly gentle. It’s not mocking, but Rey feels the burn of humiliation in her cheeks anyway. 

“You’re lying. You do this to torment me.” She reluctantly closes the saber, because water is itching on the back of her neck, her hair dripping down her back. This is so annoying. Kylo still stands there, determinedly not looking at Rey.

Out of respect, she supposes. Dressing as quickly as she can, she nearly misses what he says next. 

“And what a pleasurable torment it is.” Kylo’s murmuring. Rey growls. 

“Shut up. I hate you. I’m sick of you.”

There’s no  _ way _ she’s going to admit how every word burning its way out of her mouth is a lie. How she’s the hypocrite. 

How  _ badly _ she wanted to take his hand. But no, not Kylo. Ben. Ben was the scared looking man in the hut with her, across the fire, the galaxy. They shared a connection. Rey hasn’t forgotten, despite trying very hard to. Kylo is who haunts her dreams, the sleeping and waking ones, but Ben is who she wishes were here. She feels like she’s going mad. 

They are the  _ same _ person. 

Rey has to remind herself of that. 

Kylo is Ben, who lost his way, who lusted for power. “Tell me the truth. Do you want to kill me? If you do, I will meet you. I won’t resist. It’s what I deserve.” Kylo whispers. 

Rey feels a shiver rolling down her spine. 

Her teeth chatter briefly, though where the rush of cold has come from, she doesn’t know. “What are you saying? You want me to execute you? You think I’d be so foolish as to meet you alone? To agree to travel close enough to-” Rey can’t finish the sentence, the words curdle in her mouth. 

Leia is her first thought, quickly followed by Luke. What had the General said to her last week? 

_ “No one’s ever really gone.” _ Kylo peeks over his shoulder at her, and now his face is drained of color. His eyes gleam, but it’s not with malice. 

He looks on the verge of tears, and Rey, well, Rey is not evil, she is not Dark. Luke may have said she was drawn to it, had the instinct to Turn, to lean into her emotions and anger, but he’s wrong about her, just like he was wrong about Ben too. “Death is too easy for you.” She finally says, in what she hopes is a diplomatic tone. 

Now he  _ does _ smile. Kylo’s grin is crooked, he has dimples. Rey is jarred by the sight of it. 

He is undeniably  _ handsome.  _ The realization floors her, reminding her of her very real feelings and desires that stirred the night they touched hands.

“You radiate pure light, I hope you know that. Ever since we met, even before the Forest, I Saw you in my future.” He finishes with a sort of sigh, and Rey feels like she’s been struck across the face. “You… had visions of  _ me _ ?” 

Luke has said such things are possible, if one is tuned into the Living Force, at peace and one with Everything. 

The mere idea that Kylo has  _ ever _ sought much less achieved such serenity then somehow caught sight of Rey from further away than her mind can even comprehend is utter madness. “Yes, I have. Sweetheart.” His voice rumbles lowly at the word. Rey staggers backwards, collapsing onto her bed, gazing up at him with a gaped jaw. “How-?” 

She  _ knows _ now. She has heard him,  _ before _ . 

But, but it’s something he’s never said, in a way he’s never said it. 

Something clicks inside her head. Rey is the same. She’s had a vision too, of the  _ future. _ Right now, Kylo is trying to disarm her with a term that Rey would kill any other man for using against her, but her hand is stayed by the simple fact that it’s impossible to forget what she saw when their hands touched. It  _ fits _ . She’s been trying to fight it, to resist that future coming into being now, because of what happened in the throne room, because of Snoke, then after. Kylo will turn. 

Rey thinks it’s all but inevitable now. 

It’s difficult to accept her position in this fate, but fighting destiny has never worked. 

He’s still watching her, starting to frown now, sensing something is wrong, off, about the way she’s reacting to him.

“What?” Kylo asks, his voice back to that same controlled timber, not soft, nor harsh. 

He’s holding himself in check. 

“Come here.” Rey says. It’s simple, to the point, clearly unexpected, going off how Kylo rears back at first. 

“Why?” His first instinct is to resist. It’s her turn to smile slightly, to lick her lips, and lean into things that apparently make Kylo blush to the tips of his nose and ears. Rey is no seductress, but she knows how to act to keep men away, therefore in all likelihood, doing the opposite will lure them in. Kylo included. 

“I can’t harm you through the bond, or you’d already be dead from when I shot you.” Rey reminds him, as he takes a cautious step forward, then another, before long he’s in front of her, gazing down at her with what she can only describe as naked hope. Kylo must be in his own quarters too, because he’s not dressed to the nines in his Supreme Leader garb, he’s only wearing black trousers and a loose black tunic over it, his neck surprisingly bare. “What are you going to do to me?” He asks, voice wobbling only a touch. Rey hasn’t a clue, but there are so many possibilities. 

They swirl and dance around her mind almost in the same manner as when they fight, when they fought, in the throne room. “I want to try this again.” She says carefully, reaching up, her hand extending to him. Kylo stares at it, seemingly anticipating a trap. “My mind is closed off to you. If you think you’re going to-” He starts, and Rey shakes her head.

“No tricks. No games. Just a truce.” He’s not wearing gloves either. Kylo’s skin is warm, his hand massive compared to hers, and despite herself, Rey exhales suddenly at the actual, physical complete contact as their palms slide together. His eyes widen, and Kylo looks like he might fall over, so Rey lets go. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, and she nods.

“Stop thinking about me to get rid of me, and focus on coming to see me when you really want to… to talk. Or spar.” Kylo frowns immediately. “What will your little resistance pals think of that? You having a regular audience with-”

Rey glares suddenly. “It’s none of their business. Besides, only I can see you, remember? Don’t make me regret this.” She tries putting an edge to her words, but it’s an empty threat. Kylo nods. 

He vanishes without a word, startling Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u would like spoilers, ie where this fic is leading, pls view this glorious art here: https://twitter.com/theriseofswolo/status/1235926431294767104?s=20
> 
> it inspired me so hard i wrote ANOTHER tros fixit just to get the to smut.  
> aneewayyz i also added in handjobs because someone said that it was an underused smut trope/event occuring so uhhh yeah.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i have tagged this slow burn? maybe

And just like that, she finds herself with a tentative alliance with Kylo Ren. Now she has nothing to fear from being alone. There’s no dreading when he’ll show up. In fact, Rey finds herself beginning to  _ look _ forward to his visits. 

Three months pass the same. Rey trains with Leia, with Luke, whenever there’s a spare second. She finds time for Finn as well, whenever he’s not busy with Rose, or Poe, Rey lets him practice with her saber, and she asks Leia if there’s a chance she would consider letting him have hers when he’s ready. The General looks at her with a soft smile. “Why, of course. I wonder if there are more Force Sensitive stormtroopers than we know of.” Rey presses her lips together, nodding. 

“Finn wants to lead a rebellion. He can’t think of a bigger way to send a message to the First Order, to fight their evil control than with hope, to free those who have none, and who never had a choice in the first place.” Leia nods.

“It’s a wonderful idea. I promise to find a way to ensure it’s seen through.” Rey hugs her, and frantically hopes that there’s no chance of the woman reading her mind, looking in there to find that she’s trying to reach out to her long lost son.

She’s going to tell Leia, eventually, she  _ has _ to. 

But right now, this thing, whatever it is that they share, is too fragile. Rey can’t risk ending it before it’s really begun. She wants to find a way to bring  _ Ben Solo _ home, where he belongs. 

It’s a daunting task, something she can’t even share with her friends, scared of how they’ll react, if they’ll call her a traitor, or worse, think Kylo is somehow bewitching her, manipulating her, when really, it’s the other way around. 

When he next appears to her, Rey has to hold herself back, though a soft cry does leave her. He’s hurt, not badly, not like he was at her hand, but there’s a new cut on his lip, his cheek is bruised, and there’s the beginnings of a black eye.

“What happened?” She asks, and Kylo’s mouth firms into a line, though he hisses in pain from stressing the cut. 

“Hux. He tried to stage a mutiny. Seemed to think I wasn’t being aggressive enough. I demoted him, and replaced him with a new General.” He looks quietly furious. Rey swallows thickly. 

“Hux… did he question your authority and power publicly? Is he insane?” It’s almost funny, and clearly, Kylo agrees. Within seconds, his expression softens, he’s smiling despite how it must hurt to contort his face like this. 

“Yeah, he is a bit of an idiot. Sucker punched me before I could shove him away. If anything, it made him look pretty bad in front of everyone. Pryde is a man who’ll listen to  _ power _ and he’ll obey me. Otherwise I can just give him a heart attack. He’s nearly as old as Snoke was.” Kylo’s mirth flickers, and Rey winces at the mention of that monster’s name. 

“I feared something far worse.” she finally says. 

Kylo looks directly at her, his gaze piercing, heavy, making her feel the difference between them in height for a split second before she shrugs it off. “You worried about me? Scavenger, you surprise me.” Rey scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“Please, as if we’re at that point again. It’s Rey. I wouldn’t meet you, daily, at this point, if I didn’t  _ care _ , isn’t it obvious?”

Kylo’s face changes, forming something more of a smirk, a grin that’s handsomely crooked. 

“You know what? You’re right. Frankly, I’m more shocked you haven’t begged me to kiss you yet.” 

It takes a lot to throw Rey off her guard, but that's plenty enough to do it. He’s in everything but his Supreme Leader mantel, a hideous black and silver crown thing that reminds her of his helmet, might even be created from the remaining slivers of it, and Rey has to take a step backwards when he advances on her. His boots thump heavily on the flooring, his cape swishing behind him. For a moment, Rey flashes back to the Forest. 

Instead of fear flooding her veins, it’s something else entirely, it makes her sweat hotly. “Excuse you. That’s disgusting.” She says, making a face to go along with her words. 

“We’re allies, not lovers. Got it.” Kylo murmurs, slowing his pace, and Rey nods jerkily, sticking out her chin. “That’s right.” Pure stubbornness is all that keeps her calm in this moment. 

“Will you kiss  _ me _ if I asked you?” Kylo asks suddenly, gaze dropping from her eyes to her mouth, a thin and obvious ploy. Rey freezes of her own will, and there’s a very loud roaring in her ears, while he looms closer still, ducking his head. 

“You, you, you-” She laughs, trying to scoff, and Kylo smirks wider, seemingly undeterred by her reaction. “Me.”

He answers simply, without a hint of mocking. Instead of the word “no” leaving her mouth in a rush, Rey simply nods. 

Kylo doesn’t hesitate, making her think for a moment that of course, he’s clearly done this before, leaned in to press his lips to the mouth of some other overwhelmed heart pounding force sensitive being from across a couple dozen parsecs.

Then his nose meets her cheek, and he lets out a noise that’s somehow endearing and puzzling at once, like a moan, as if he’s in pain. “Fuck, it’s kind of sore. I forgot.” Kylo breathes out, and Rey rears back, gasping. She can feel the ghost of it. Her lips tingle, and as she looks at him, he puts his gloved hand to his face, and wipes it up until he’s ruffling his own hair. 

“Sorry.” He mumbles, and then vanishes with Rey’s next blink. She has to sit down before she falls, and that’s when she feels how wet she is. Repeating his curse, she collapses back onto her bed and frowns a little up at the ceiling. 

Well, that went, well… it went badly. 

Badly is the word she can’t bring herself to use, because, didn’t she want that before?

In the hut? Kind of, yes, maybe. If only Luke hadn’t interrupted them… where would things stand now? 

Rey shakes herself. She can’t think of it like that. There’s so much more to be done. Her hand lifts to her face, to her lips. She licks them, and thinks dimly she can taste him. He drinks his caf black, no sweetness, no cream. Rey gulps. Then she puts her hand down the center of her chest, tracing over her aching breasts, feeling her nipples tighten, hardening. Her cunt throbs, and Rey prays that no one walks in, nor that Kylo comes back. 

Her hand goes lower, until her fingertips tease beneath the hem of her tunic, then she's pressing hard against her mound. Even through her leggings Rey feels how wet she is, and she can't help picturing Kylo again, seemingly unconscious. 

She imagines him going to his knees for an entirely different reason, using those plush lips and his clever tongue. Her back arches off the bed and Rey shivers through an orgasm that is so good, purely because she can't remember the last time she had one. The comedown zips through her, from her fingers and toes, and Rey exhales slowly through her nose. It's a welcome bit of respite, though she hopes it doesn't make things awkward when she sees Kylo next.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jk you know me i cant do slow burn


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is lovingly dedicated to guibasstm on twitter!!! happy birthday!!!  
> and finally *spoilers* the smut trope scene that needs more love! :D

To say Kylo is putting off encountering her again is an understatement. But as the second day passes, he can’t resist. The pull is magnetic, like he and Rey are two stars colliding, again and again, supernova is an afterthought, Kylo thinks. 

He’d sooner burn out than let Rey’s light be extinguished from the galaxy. She appears to him in training garb, sweaty, her hair down from any ties, no buns, no braids. She’s fiery and cutthroat, he remembers it well. Kylo thinks fighting by her side, instead of against her, was the moment of his life. The moment when he _knew_. 

There was no one else for him.

Rey has been very stoic, yet polite for these past few months. Yet not in a maddening way that indicates pity. It's so much so that Kylo has begun to hope again, to consider it. The idea of going home, to face his mother has seemed impossible for over a decade, since Snoke. But now? Maybe.

Maybe he could, if Rey was at his side. 

She gazes up at him and that’s when he remembers he still has it on. Kylo winces. He reaches up to remove the mantel, the stupid helmet that borders on a crown. As if being Supreme Leader has given him anything the Force can’t. 

Then again, power in a name, he supposes. 

Kylo hates bearing his face, but Snoke was right.

He was a child hiding behind a mask, he’ll never be that again, not if he can help it. Rey blinks, her words coming out in a rush, like she’s trying to force herself to speak, and stay on course. 

“Have you just come from giving a rousing speech to the soldiers?” Then she smiles. Kylo realizes she’s teasing him. It’s her idea of a joke. 

Even though he _did_ in fact just leave a meeting where he force choked someone who questioned Pryde’s actions. “Something like that.” He says, doing his very best not to remember how soft her lips felt under his, and how vividly he dreamed about _more_ happening after. 

Kylo’s hands make the leather of his gloves squeak as he fists them into his cloak. “You’ve been very busy, trying to build your army.” He tells her, paying a compliment as best he can, from the opposite side of their little war. “Practicing to beat your rat faced General and his minions the next time we meet,” Rey replies. 

Kylo smiles a little now, “Ah, you’re thinking of Hux. He’s been demoted, remember? He’s in charge of waste disposal.”

“Isn’t that what you were making the clone troops do before?” Rey says casually, a slight dig. 

As if he could forget. 

FN-2187, or rather, Finn, as he named himself. Kylo reminds himself to look up his file. 

To see what his true name is. He has become so much more than just another nameless soldier.

“He’s better than that, isn’t he? He’s like you and I are. He has power, strength. He wouldn’t have been a successful trooper without them.” Kylo offers. Rey almost bends for a moment, giving him a look, as if they can sort of share quips about her friends. Like _they_ are in fact friends. “Yes, yes I’ve just left him and Poe actually. They wanted to finish practicing together.” She smiles a little, gazing off into the distance at something, and Kylo feels a spear of hot jealousy.

It stabs up through his ribs, tracing the long since healed slash on his arm that Finn gave him with his grandfather's saber. “Why did you leave them? Shouldn’t you share a meal together, comrades in arms?” Kylo says bitterly. Rey looks at him.

“They wanted some privacy. Besides, I’m used to eating alone anyway. Yet here I am, anything but.” She murmurs.

It takes him a minute, but Kylo gets there in the end. Dameron, the beautiful boy who grew up into a charming pilot. He’s got the wits and the words to charm just about anyone in the galaxy, of course he would win over a starry eyed rebel who had never known kindness before defecting. 

Kylo feels it like a punch to the gut.

Is that why he’s so drawn to Rey?

She’s the first, the only, since Lord Ren and Leader Snoke, since everything, to offer kindness, even after he fought her. He inhales sharply, and then Rey is closer, much more so than he remembers from a few seconds ago. 

“Is everything alright? Are you hurt again?” 

She’s so dangerously near, smelling overwhelmingly of clean sweat and lavender, whatever she uses in her hair, on her skin, Kylo wants to drown in it. He could do it, could just lean down and bury his face in the crook of her neck, she might not stop him. Or worse, she might, and then draw her blade. Kylo chokes on a sob, and tries to disguise it as a cough. “I’m fine.” he says, voice unsteady. Rey shakes her head.

“I’m not an idiot. You’re very much not. C’mon.” They’re walking, somewhere, he lets her lead him, because he can’t see anything but her. Everything around him is a blur. Dimly, he knows it must be to her quarters, and so they end up in his own. There’s no logic for it, it’s the Force guiding them. Rey looks at him with something inscruitible. 

“Can you wait here for me?” Kylo licks his lips, thinking maybe he can taste a hint of her through the bond. 

“I’m not leaving, don’t worry.” 

Rey’s mouth twitches. “I want to get cleaned up. Promise you won’t look if I come out in a towel again?” She asks.

“No.” Kylo says, finally, _finally_ putting his foot down, so to speak. Rey looks taken aback. “What?” 

He can see her breasts heaving with every breath, nipples obvious through the sweat soaked cloth of her sparring top. “No. I’m not going to just pretend anymore. I want you. You know this. I offered you my hand, then you did the same.” 

Rey looks like she’s doing some very quick thinking, and Kylo is preparing for the worst. 

He’d be able to feel a slap. 

A slash from her saber, not so much. “So join me in the fresher.” Rey says, cheeks flushing, and eyes burning into his own. Kylo distinctly feels his cock harden in his pants, while he puts a hand to his ear, rubbing very hard. “What?”

“You heard me.” Rey turns away, but walks towards the fresher slowly, undoing her top and stepping out of her boots as she goes. 

Kylo thinks maybe he’s actually dreaming again, but he’s not an idiot enough to fight this or argue with her. Though he has many more layers than Rey, he gets undressed in record time, peeling off his socks to follow her into the very starkly white room, feeling extremely pale and too big for the fresher next to the tanned little scavenger. 

Kylo knows that instinctively he should make a note of that, she’s on a planet somewhere with plenty of sunshine, probably greenery too, cause he knows she loves it. He saw how happy she was on Ach-To, no matter how brief a time it was for.

Rey glances back at him, and her face goes pink, even before Kylo notices her gaze trailing down from his own surely bright red cheeks. “I’m going to turn it on, okay?” She asks, getting a dumb nod from him. 

The water is warm, refreshingly not too hot and not too cold, as he grew used to cold showers, being Supreme Leader means he can do whatever he likes, including running the fresher until it actually runs out of hot water. In there, with Rey, it’s like being caught in a summer rainstorm, and she tilts her head back, letting her hair get slicked to her back, down her shoulders, washing away the efforts of her sparring, giving Kylo a few long seconds to admire the curve of her neck.

“Your turn.” She says, pulling him out of his reverie, causing him to blush harder, as he has to duck down to get his hair wet, not to mention the back of his neck almost grazing the fresher head. “Sorry.” Kylo can’t help apologizing, because it’s disgustingly obvious now, his erection doing the exact opposite of becoming less apparent, and Rey nearly gets stabbed in the stomach with it as she turns to grab a bottle of soap. “Oh, it’s alright.” She murmurs. Kylo disagrees, but it’s her that asked him in there in the first place. Rey is anything _but_ ignorant of her affect on him now, he thinks.

He sort of shrinks off to the side, out of the range of the water, letting her wash her hair and soap down her body without Kylo’s massive frame getting in the way. When Rey finishes, the last traces of suds rinsing down the drain, she opens her eyes and blinks away the water, smiling at him. If Kylo didn’t know any better, he’d say she looked like the angels who live in water, sirens, maybe? Nymphs, that cause men to drown for their lustful desires. Rey could drown him, if she likes. 

“Now, come here, before we run out of warm water.” She says, grabbing for his hand. Kylo goes, helplessly pulled into her orbit. Her other arm curves around his neck, and then she’s kissing him. Rey kisses like a woman starved, and he’s finally allowed to touch, so he does. Both his hands settle on her waist, made small by his grasp, but far from tiny. 

She’s built like the fighter she was born to be, firm cords of muscle visible on her arms, in her shoulders, the way her stomach tightens as he lets his knuckles graze down to her thigh, Kylo feels a slight swelling of pride at that. But Rey gives as good as she gets, and her hand leaves his to settle right where he needs it most. His cock jerks in her hand, and Kylo lets out a noise he’s ashamed of. “You’re so big.” Rey murmurs, clearly in awe, not trying to tease him or mock him, though Kylo is used to that sort of thing, cruelty, not compliments. 

“I’m sorry.” He says again, almost an afterthought. 

Rey shakes her head, “Don’t be.” 

Kylo tries to clamp down on that welling of shame, especially strong as she makes him come in a few frantic seconds worth of clearly experimental tugging, Rey’s soft little gasp at the sight of his release spilling over her hand, dripping down her fingers and spilling onto the fresher floor. “Sorry, it’s just a lot-” Kylo chokes out between a moan through gritted teeth. Rey shakes her head, and leans back in to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Stop apologizing, please.”

“It’s good, it’s so so good.” Kylo finally says, and then he has to make Rey stop, using his hand over hers, slowing and stilling her touches, because it’s really _too_ good, almost hurting his poor cock. It’s only too much because he stripped it raw the night before, imagining her, in something like this, yet his fantasy pales in comparison to the real way Rey tenderly caresses him. Now he feels her, through the bond. Kylo senses her excitement, her pride at making him feel such pleasure, even if it was a little rushed. He reaches out, physically and mentally, pressing his hand between her legs, slow, gentle, until Rey gasps, and then he touches her a little more firmly, and her hand is guiding him. 

One finger slips in, curling up, then another, and Kylo is terrified yet thrilled by how _wet_ she is. 

Hot and silken, her flesh trembles around his fingers, as he tries to move them in a way she likes, well aware when he does something right, and Rey’s breathing jumps. Her hands cling to his shoulders now, blunt nails digging in so hard they sting, making Kylo hiss out his own breath. 

It takes longer for her to finish, but Kylo relishes every single second, as Rey starts to shudder against him, he tilts his head down, kissing every bit of her he can reach. He doesn’t use his teeth, doesn’t want to risk leaving a mark she will regret. Kylo buries his face in the side of her neck while she moans through her climax, and he keeps his hand moving through sheer Force of will, though his hand is beginning to cramp. 

He’s hard again too, shamefully so, despite the fact he’s been thinking about anything but that, only Rey. Surrounding her, by her, on all sides, Kylo doesn’t dare ask for seconds. It’s just as he’s about to let go that she speaks.

It’s a quiet whisper, but it makes his senses light up, and Kylo’s heart stops for a split second. _“Ben…”_ Rey hums.

“I… I can’t stay, I’m sorry.” Kylo says, voice rough, thick with emotion. He might be crying already, but the water saves him. Rey nods, “I understand. I’ve kept you away too long already.” She laughs a little, hiccuping. Force. 

Kylo thinks she might be crying too. He’s not sure. If he stays any longer, he will be lost. It’s too late for him, truly.

He retrieves his clothing, and dissolves the connection, ending up cold, wet, shivering inside his quarters, black and silver mocking him with everywhere he looks. Kylo lifts a hand to crush the nearest piece of furniture, sending it crashing into the door, exhaling loudly through his mouth, ending on an anguished cry. He collapses to the ground, ignoring the pain in his knees, then embracing it, shuddering as sobs begin to wrack his entire body. 

He’s messed up, but there’s no way to fix it. Kylo hears the echoes of Snoke’s voice in his head, it’s so loud it might as well be real, _“There’s no going back, foolish boy. You belong to the darkness now, and forever.”_

It’s never felt more true.


End file.
